


Slender vs Psalty

by ErinPrimette



Category: Psalty the Songbook, Slender Man Mythos, Tantei Riffs On, The Bible Reloaded
Genre: Asshole Church, Gen, I Can't Believe I Wrote This, Parody, Revenge, pedophile priests, references to child molestation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-01
Updated: 2017-06-01
Packaged: 2018-11-04 19:12:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,522
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10997199
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ErinPrimette/pseuds/ErinPrimette
Summary: Psalty has come to town to bring praise to the church, but the folks don't know what he really plans to do. Likewise, Psalty has no idea of the disturbing secret of the forest at the edge of town.





	Slender vs Psalty

**Author's Note:**

> This fanfic is a gift to The Bible Reloaded. If you find Psalty the Psalm Book creepy whether since recently or since you were a kid, then this is also for you!

When Psalty came to town one day, the Christian folks rejoiced. The first thing they saw when he arrived was his Song Mobile, which produced gospel songs that spread across the town. That was most certainly enough to draw attention for anyone passing by.

Once Psalty arrived at the church, he parked his Song Mobile and skipped over to the front door, whistling a gospel tune along the way. When he made it inside, a pastor was waiting with open arms.

“Welcome, Psalty, the wonderful living songbook of God,” announced the pastor, “my name is Pastor Fakyu and we’ve been looking forward to your bringing joy to our children.”

“Why, thank you, Pastor Fakyu,” smiled Psalty, “I’m sure we’ll have so much fun singing praises to our lord and savior.”

Pastor Fakyu nodded in agreement.

“Why I love such dedication from a devout follower of Jesus,” replied Pastor Fakyu, “come, come. I will show you a place to sleep.”

Pastor Fakyu led Psalty out of the church hall and headed outside. Psalty had to rush over to his Song Mobile and grab his luggage from the trunk before following the pastor around the church. After a several minute stroll through the garden, they stopped at a small cottage with a small fountain at its front yard.

“I had a few teen girls tidy up this place before your arrival,” explained Pastor Fakyu, “so you would feel comfortable at home.”

“Oh, thank you sir!” Psalty cheered, jumping up and down like an excited little boy, “I shall invite Charity Churchmouse and Blooper over so we can make our praise songs even more fun!”

“I’ll give you time to unpack,” replied Pastor Fakyu, “I’ll be in the kitchen making some tea, and you’re welcome to have some if you’d like.”

“Oh, thank you, dear pastor!” Psalty said.

Psalty eagerly opened the door and stepped inside the cottage. It was well spotless with tasteful Christian themed decorations arranged appropriately.

“Oh, this is so perfect,” Psalty said to himself, “I hope the bed is large enough so I can invite a kid to sleep over.”

Little did Psalty know, this town had a large mysterious forest nearby.

Slenderman knew better than to initiate his game of cat and mouse in the daytime, but the sudden strange music from town caught his attention. Sure, he may have been known for killing, but eating humans that get lost in the forest alone at night was his nature and he can’t help it. Slenderman slithered to the edge of the forest in search of the source of the sound, only to observe a church at a distance. He assumed that the occupants were singing in the church, but when he saw the Song Mobile in the parking lot, he couldn’t help but scratch his head.

“What kind of person would build a vehicle that makes music?” Slenderman asked himself.

Oh, well. Since he couldn’t find answers at this time, all he could do was leave the church be and come back later. Maybe next time, Slenderman could find clues to such a mystery.

The next day, Psalty invited the children devoted to Christianity to church after he announced his own church sermon he designed for them. After they arrived, Psalty brought the Song Mobile into the church and activated it, which caused it to generate music so he and the children can sing along and dance in such a choreography that should be necessary to rehearse, yet all the singing and dancing was meant to praise Jesus. After the first musical number, Psalty took a few minutes to get to know more about the children who attended, including a little girl who had an older sister that held more interest in her high school science project than Creationism.

“Well,” asked Psalty, “can your sister observe this extinction of the dinosaurs?”

“She said that it happened millions of years ago,” answered the little girl, “but the scientists can find evidence about it. But I don’t think she’s as smart as you, Psalty.”

Psalty placed his hand on the little girl’s head.

“Oh, I wish I could help her myself, but I can’t because if I get too close to anyone over 15, I get sick. I’m sure Jesus will show her the right way in the future,” Psalty told her, “perhaps you could tell me where you go to school?”

Once the little girl gave away the information about her elementary school, Psalty led another musical number that involved praising the Holy Trinity. During the musical numbers they performed at intervals, Charity Churchmouse and her Church Mouse Choir stepped into the church and performed a kid-friendly gospel song with the children. Little did everyone else know, Psalty had an erection that he had kept well hidden. For some reason, having the children eagerly surround him excited him, which was probably enough to fuel his motivation for whatever sinister deed he planned. But of course, after each musical number, Psalty would teach the children about stories in the Bible.

Psalty could praise Jesus as his Christian influences worked as the children in the church’s Bible study trusted him. Over the course of the following days after school, the kids came to the church for a sermon from Psalty. One day, the little girl, Jessie, stayed behind at the church upon Psalty’s request. This little girl had been wondering why, so she waited in the church until Psalty came back inside after finishing saying goodbye to the other children.

“Hi, Psalty,” Jessie called out to Psalty.

Psalty clapped his hands together.

“Jessie,” Psalty praised, “you’ve been a wonderful child of God, and I thought I’d invite you over to the cottage I’m staying at for some games.”

“Oh, what kind of games?” chirped Jessie, “does it include checkers?”

“Well,” Psalty said, “the kind of game I’ve been thinking of is a secret game.”

“Will Charity Churchmouse and the Church Mouse Choir be joining us?” asked Jessie.

Psalty shook his head, but he led Jessie out of the church and into the cottage, making his way to his guest bedroom where he closed the door behind him. Jessie hoped it would be a fun game, but when Psalty gestured her to sit on the bed, he started to lift up her skirt.

“What kind of game is this?” Jessie asked herself.

Once the “game” was over, Psalty sent Jessie home. For some reason, she felt dirty but she didn’t know why. Perhaps she should not tell her family members like Psalty instructed, not even her older sister.

As days turned to weeks, Psalty used the gospel of Jesus to aspire the kids in the church’s Bible study group to dedicate their lives to the Christian faith. Pastor Fakyu felt satisfied with Psalty’s work to the point where he considered that the anthropomorphic book should stay in town. No one realized that this made things worse as Psalty would invite the kids who did the best work in Bible study to his cottage and play his secret game with them…even Charity Churchmouse and the Church Mouse Choir didn’t know about it. Little did Psalty know, a certain high school teen would become suspicious of this.

The high school girl in question didn’t stand out from the rest of her classmates, even when she found a few fossils on a camping trip last summer. Now that the science project came up, she figured she could use those fossils to good use. Hopefully, that would be enough for her religious relatives to understand that Creationism isn’t meant to be the only source of the origins of Earth. With another school day done, Mia left the school and took a stroll down the sidewalk, turning at a few corners to reach her little sister’s elementary school. Upon arrival, Mia saw her sister sitting in front of the flagpole with tears streaming down her cheeks.

“Hey,” Mia called to Jessie, “are you ok?”

Jessie wiped her tears and meekly approached Mia.

“I-I’m fine,” Jessie stammered.

Mia tilted her head to the side.

“You look pretty sad,” Mia commented, “did someone pick on you today?”

Jessie shook her head. She can’t tell Mia about Psalty or she would get laughed at.

“No,” Jessie lied.

Mia didn’t respond immediately, but she didn’t fall for the lie.

“Sis,” Jessie requested, “aren’t you going to take me to the church? Psalty’s having his praise session today.”

Mia escorted Jessie away from the school in reluctance. As far as she knew, Jessie had been living a decent life…until the day Psalty arrived. Come to think of it, Psalty didn’t seem to want to enter the town’s high school for some reason, yet he seemed to favor the elementary school and the middle school. Mia suspected Psalty had this preference as a way to try to indoctrinate children, but she still continued strolling through town with Jessie following her.

Once they arrived at the church, Jessie slowly made her way to the church. Psalty wasn’t at the door to greet her, so maybe this could call for some snooping. With her smart phone in her hand, Mia snuck around the church and located the cottage. She had to scan her surroundings to make sure the coast was clear before she slithered closer to the cottage and peeked into the window. To her disgust, she saw Psalty stripping a boy of his clothes. She stayed as quiet as she could so he wouldn’t notice her, but since the anthropomorphic book was so oblivious to his surroundings, this gave Mia a chance to snap a picture of the ordeal. She didn’t send the photo to anyone, but she quickly left the yard and scrambled into the forest. It might not be enough evidence, but hopefully, she could persuade the community to investigate the crime.

Mia was focused on how to expose Psalty’s secret that she didn’t seem to pay attention to anything crawling in the woods. She snapped out of her thoughts when she realized she was aiming for a tree, so she quickly dodged it, not knowing that Slenderman was passing by. The next thing she knew, she collided with the creature, startling him in a matter of seconds. Mia spun around and stared at the tall urban legend which had no face to give an expression. Still, she had a sneaky suspicion that she pissed him off.

“Watch where your going!” scolded Slenderman, “I’m not responsible for your medical bill.”

Slenderman wasn’t hungry right now as he already had a meal not long ago.

“S-Sorry about that,” Mia muttered.

Amidst the awkward meeting, Slenderman folded his arms.

“So what brings you here in my forest?” asked Slenderman.

Mia just wanted to tell him that she was just heading home, but then she got an idea.

“I didn’t think about this until just now,” Mia replied, “but I kinda have a favor to ask you.”

Slenderman tilted his head to the side.

“Oh? Humor me.”

Mia pulled out her smart phone and scrolled to her photo app.

“There’s this anthropomorphic book called Psalty that came to town a couple weeks ago,” Mia explained, “he uses the Bible to attract kids and I’m convinced he’s a pedophile.”

Slenderman stared in confusion, so Mia showed him the photo she took of Psalty. Slenderman shuddered in surprise. Children often feared him but an anthropomorphic songbook molesting children?! Disgusting! Heck, even human pedophiles that like to exploit children disgust him. Still, Slenderman kept his composure.

“If you can bring Psalty to me,” Slenderman proposed, “then I’ll consider protecting you and your sister from such atrocious people.”

Making such a deal with Slenderman seemed risky, but letting a walking book molest children is definitely worse.

“I’ll definitely think of something,” Mia declared.

That evening, Jessie walked home with her friends, so Mia had some sort of chance to confront Psalty. She returned to the church and found Psalty making his way to the cottage.

“Excuse me!” Mia called out, “do you have a minute?”

Psalty paused in his tracks and turned towards Mia.

“Oh, are you Jessie’s sister?” Psalty exclaimed.

Mia nodded.

“I have a favor to ask of you,” Mia requested, “can you help me out?”

Psalty wasn’t sure if he should seduce Mia, but since he figured he could try turning her over to Jesus, he skipped towards Mia.

“Sure, Mia!” chirped Psalty, “what can I do to you?”

“I lost my diary in the forest,” Mia lied, “and some demon that lives in it told me that he won’t give it back unless I collect eight pages scattered in the forest.”

“Oh dear,” Psalty commented, “that must be dreadful. On the bright side, I have the light of Jesus to help you find those ransom pages so you can get your diary back. Do you think you’ll turn over to Jesus if I help you with your problem?”

“How about afterwards?” Mia suggested.

Psalty nodded in agreement, so he skipped over to the cottage to find a flashlight. While she waited, Mia gave a sly smirk while she folded her arms. This was a great chance to mete out justice to a pedophilic book, especially one who uses Jesus to get to the children. After a few minutes, Psalty emerged from the cottage with a flashlight and a Bible in his hands.

“Oh, this is so nerve-wrecking!” Psalty exclaimed, “I hope I can ensure you get saved, because I have only a week before I move to the next city. Reverend Pantycost is waiting for me at his church there.”

“Let’s just get this over with so this demon will leave me alone,” Mia sighed.

Mia led Psalty into the forest, compelling the anthropomorphic book to flick on the flashlight, considering that it was getting dark. Mia got out her own flashlight and turned it on, aiming it ahead of her so they wouldn’t get lost. After they wandered through the woods for a few minutes, Mia stopped in her tracks, much to Psalty’s confusion.

“What’s the matter?” asked Psalty.

Mia shook her head.

“I just realized,” Mia improvised, “if the demon sees us both together, he’ll think I’m cheating. If we split up, we’ll have a better chance at winning.”

Psalty stared in confusion.

“Odd,” commented Psalty, “but I guess I’ll take your word for it.”

Nodding in agreement, Mia sprinted ahead of Psalty, but once she was out of his sight, she darted off in a different direction and stepped out the other side of the forest and leaned her back against a tree. Now all she would have to do is wait.

Meanwhile, Psalty continued to wander through the forest, pointing his flashlight in all directions. There didn’t seem to be any bears out at the moment. Well, Psalty assumed they’re probably sleeping in their dens and if not, he felt convinced he can use the Bible to persuade the bears to become friends with him. But of course, he’s definitely not looking for bears!

Little did Psalty know, a dude camping out in a log cabin concealed by a cloaking device that Harold Penisman constructed peered through the window and spotted the walking songbook at a distance.

“Hugo, get over here!” Jake called out, “I think I just saw Psalty.”

After grabbing a can of Dr. Pepper from the fridge, Hugo scurried over to the living room and sat down next to Jake.

“Where?” Hugo clamored.

“It’s exactly as Harold Penisman told us,” Jake pointed at Psalty, “that book came to town for his Jesus con acts.”

After staring at Psalty for a few seconds, Hugo scrambled back into the kitchen and grabbed the plate of pizza rolls before returning to the living room.

“What did he do, forget his personal butt plug?” asked Hugo.

“I don’t know,” Jake shrugged, “but it looks like this is going to be interesting.”

Hugo and Jake watched from the window and took turns eating a pizza roll.

Outside, Psalty meandered through the trees until he spotted some metal barrels on the ground with stands holding them in place. He inspected each metal barrel until he found a piece of paper tacked onto one of them. When he reached out to grab it, he noticed the writing on the page:

Leave Me Alone

With the page in his hand, he pointed his flashlight in another direction to help maneuver him out of the rows of metal barrels. He didn’t pay much attention to the ominous sound of drumming echoing across the forest. Even if he did, Psalty was still convinced that Jesus would protect him, so he continued venturing forth past the trees. The anthropomorphic songbook was blissfully unaware that Slenderman caught a glimpse of him, now confirming that Psalty was a menace to the children in town.

Still, Psalty continued to wander through the forest until he passed by a brick building, where he found another page tacked onto the wall.

“Oh, boy,” Psalty chirped, “this is so much fun! It’s definitely a scavenger hunt!”

Psalty stepped over to the building and grabbed the page, carefully reading its contents:

Can’t Run

Psalty shrugged off its message and ventured away from the building. While he was passing a nearby tree, he suddenly heard the sound of a snapping twig from a distance, startling the anthropomorphic book.

“H-Hello?” Psalty stammered while he fidgeted nervously, “is s-someone there?”

No one appeared before Psalty, so he figured it must’ve been his imagination. Nonetheless, he ventured forth until he found a concrete tunnel. He pointed his flashlight and found another page attached to the wall inside, so he skipped through the tunnel and collected the page before he read its large letters:

Don’t Look or it Takes You

By that point, Psalty paused and thought over the messages in the pages so far.

“Hmm, it must be some sort of prank,” Psalty said to himself.

Psalty turned to glance behind him, but didn’t see anything. Thinking he was correct, Psalty sauntered out of the tunnel. He kept venturing through the forest, not knowing that something was stalking him.

Hiding behind the trees, Slenderman kept a fixed gaze on the walking songbook. He definitely had the proof he needed to mete out justice to Psalty, and now all he has to do is wait for a chance to strike.

Psalty stopped by an abandoned truck, where he found another page attached to the tank. When he took it into his hands, he took a moment to gaze at its message:

Help Me

“Oh, dear,” Psalty cooed, “is someone in trouble? Maybe I could bring her to Jesus when this is all over.”

Psalty stepped away from the truck and continued to wander through the forest. Still, he wondered if Mia found any pages herself. But what was even more troubling was that she didn’t describe what the demon she was dealing with looked like. Psalty kept meandering through the forest to find any abandoned settlements, since he remembered that he only had four more pages to find. All of a sudden, he heard rustling from behind, so he turned in that direction, only to notice nothing…at first. Psalty tilted his gaze upwards, only to find Slenderman perching on one of the tree branches.

“Oh, hi there!” Psalty chirped as he waved his hand, “are you a friend of the forest critters?”

Psalty, unfortunately, didn’t ask anyone in the town of any urban legends, believing that they weren’t real compared to the Lord. That was why he never heard of Slenderman before. This form of ignorance was his mistake.

Without warning, Slenderman shot his tentacles at Psalty, causing the talking book to scream and scurry for his life as the tentacles hit the ground. While the urban legend jumped from branch to branch, he launched his tentacles again and this time, he plunged one through Psalty’s spine. The pages the songbook collected spilled from one hand while his flashlight fell out of the other. Slenderman reeled in the pedophilic book like a fish and grabbed his covers, squeezing them to the point he would crush them.

“I’m so sorry, sir!” Psalty squealed, “I didn’t mean to offend you! I was just being friendly!”

Slenderman shook his head in disagreement.

“Tell that to the children you tormented,” he snarled.

Psalty didn’t understand what Slenderman meant by that. In some way, he must’ve been tricked!

“But I,” he protested, “I was just teaching the children about serving the Lord, that’s all!”

“Pffft, serving the Lord, my ass!” Slenderman scoffed, “you just think you can use that excuse to get into their pants, isn’t that right?”

Psalty froze upon those words. Slenderman couldn’t have been spying on him, could he? Since he couldn’t bring himself to come up with a response, his fate was sealed. Slenderman tore Psalty in half and ripped his pages into pieces which fell to the forest floor like snow

Now with Psalty defeated, Slenderman was certain this would be a worthy lesson to the pedophilic pastors. At least Psalty would no longer molest children, his punishment well deserved.


End file.
